Promise? Promise
by MustLoveMustyPages
Summary: When Barry is stressed, he likes to let go and just sleep. Sometimes when he is recovering though, he forgets to eat, and when you have a super fast metabolism, that can have some serious consequences. (Takes place between Season 1 and Season 2)


After a long day at work, sometimes Barry didn't want to go out and hang with his friends. Caitlin once complained about her social life not being exciting enough, but really it was all overrated anyways. Chasing bad guys both at his official and unofficial jobs was not only physically draining, but mentally too.

Sometimes Barry just wanted go back home and leave it all behind, if only for a few hours. He would literally drop his bag by his bedroom door and traipse to his bed, falling into a heap that he would not move from until morning.

Despite the myriad of cases on his plate and the dozens of things he needed to do in his lab the next morning, occasionally he was able to shut off his mind to it all and just be. Then the other portion of his life came into existence – the one where he frequently ran at superhuman speeds and flung himself into life-threatening situations. His brain didn't ignore that part so easily.

Still, for those far too infrequent few hours, Barry tried his best to push off the enormous weight on his shoulders and pretend he was a simple human guy with a simple, normal job, and with simple, completely ordinary extracurricular activities.

The first time he did this was after a particularly stressful case at work involving child murders. He kept on a veil of absolute professionalism as he tested torn clothing pieces and examined crime scene photos. Inside he was a shuddering mess. After doing a DNA test on a particularly bloody jacket sleeve, what was once pink with little white hearts, he went to the restroom and threw up. Thankfully that had been the last of the day and with quick goodbyes to his co-workers, he had grabbed his things and left for the weekend.

It had been hard for Barry to close his mind to the images of those poor children. But once he had, sleep came easily, and he woke up feeling somehow lighter. He didn't forget. He never forgot. Still, such a restful, dreamless sleep, completely devoid of all thought and feeling, did something reinvigorating to Barry's soul. It allowed him to continue onward and not be plagued down by events that, while terrible, he could do nothing about.

* * *

Not that the habit was completely productive though.

Barry had stumbled into S.T.A.R. Labs the following Saturday morning mentally refreshed, but physically drained and lagging. Caitlin had taken one look at him and headed out, slipping on her jacket and telling Cisco she would be back soon.

Less than thirty minutes later she had returned, armed with an arsenal of bags which she had emptied out in from of Barry without any formality/pretense. From the labels on the bags, and from the sheer amount of food that was piled in front of him, Barry suspected that Caitlin had completely emptied the shelves of the local supermarket of all their breakfast fare.

"Eat," she had demanded, raising her eyebrows and shoving a breakfast burrito into his hands.

Not exactly terrified, but more annoyed at her persistent manner, Barry had obliged and taken a large bite. The egg and melty cheese filling had slid down his throat with ease, and settled in his stomach with a sort of warm contentment. Not needing to be urged any further, he had proceeded to eat two more burritos and an entire 32 oz container of raspberry yogurt before taking a breather.

Caitlin had gone back to work on what looked like lab reports shortly after Barry had started eating, but Cisco had watched him the entire time he inhaled his food with some sort of weird, clinical fascination.

"Dude, you already look way better!" Cisco exclaimed with a cheesy thumbs up and wide smile, both of which he dropped suddenly after a pointed look from Caitlin. Quickly he spun back around in his chair and started typing madly away at his array of computer screens.

"Don't encourage him!" After glaring at Cisco's back for a moment, Caitlin turned to Barry. "Do you feel better?" she asked kindly. When Barry nodded, her voice turned scolding once again. "That's what you get for not taking care of yourself properly! When was the last time you ate Barry?"

When Barry opened his mouth to answer, he realized his last meal had been the takeout lunch he'd shared with Joe the previous day. Slightly ashamed that he had completely forgotten to eat, he rubbed his neck uncomfortably and avoided Caitlin's gaze. "It was a long day."

He had expected her to protest more about proper nutrition and how he couldn't just forget to eat with his new super-charged metabolism. Instead, she just nodded her head sympathetically at his vague explanation and went back to her scribbling.

* * *

The second time he did it was not after his day job, but rather following a stressful stint as the Flash.

It wasn't any supernatural or science-defying villain that time. Just a good old-fashioned bad guy.

It should have been simple. Nothing was ever simple when it came to good vs. evil though. And this guy that Barry had to deal with was pure evil. There wasn't a good bone in his body. Usually Barry would have just let the police handle the case; however, he didn't have much of a choice when it played out right in front of him.

One moment he was just walking down the street, on his way to meet up with Iris and Eddie for drinks to celebrate the end of another work week, and the next he felt a bullet go whizzing by his ear. Before he had a chance to react it struck the woman in front of him in the shoulder and she fell onto the sidewalk. It took less than a second for Barry to pinpoint the shooter, a middle-aged man with slick hair and wild eyes.

It had occurred in a heavily populated place, no less than a hundred people milling up and down the street in their general vicinity. In an impressive time of twelve seconds, Barry had secured a hoody to disguise his face, and disarmed the shooter of his weapon.

Still, a lot can happen in thirty seconds. A semi-automatic handgun can fire three bullets in less than a second. By the time Barry had gotten to him, this man had fired twenty. Two died instantly. One to the head and another to the heart. Another three died in route to the hospital of various wounds. The rest were alive but injured.

Joe assured Barry that he had done a great thing. He had saved dozens of people.

All Barry could do though was focus on the number that weren't saved. Five.

Five people died because he wasn't fast enough. He was the fastest person in the world and still he hadn't been fast enough to save them.

That hadn't settled well with Barry. After going over the events with Joe, he had taken a much-needed rest. He didn't think about the shooter. He couldn't without feeling the subsequent deaths a thousand times over. So he didn't think about the shooter. He didn't think about anything, just slept.

Then, like the first time, he went into S.T.A.R. Labs on Saturday the worse for wear. Sluggish was not a word usually used to describe Barry, but that day he had been downright sloth-like. His reflexes were shot and he had bumped into more than one piece of expensive equipment before Cisco had taken him by the shoulders and led him to a chair, calling simultaneously for Caitlin who had been in another room at the time.

Since it had already happened once, Caitlin was slightly more prepared on this second occasion. She had pulled out a box of granola bars and tossed them at Cisco before making a run to the grocery store. When she got back Barry was more awake and as such, a much better target for her slur of admonishments and reprimands for his irresponsible behavior.

Barry hadn't been able to respond since his mouth was occupied with eating at the time, but it was all for the better really because Caitlin was right.

* * *

It became a pattern for Barry. A few Friday nights a month, whenever work or his nights as the Flash became too much for him to handle, he simply went home and slept it off. The next morning he went straight to S.T.A.R. Labs and gorged himself on food under Caitlin's watchful eye, though she didn't need to prod him anymore. Instead, he went all by himself to the lab's kitchenette and raided the carefully its shelves.

Barry noted that over time both the refrigerator and cabinets had become increasingly well-stocked with his favorite food. He never voiced his observation out loud; however he knew he had Caitlin to thank. Although she pretended not to care, he always caught her trying to covertly watch him to ensure he was eating enough.

It had become so routine that he really didn't think much of it anymore.

Until his whole world came crashing down.

There was no other way to describe it. After finding out that the man he knew as Dr. Wells – the man who had helped Barry with his new abilities, was the same man responsible for not only the explosion of the particle accelerator that caused Barry's coma, but also killed his mother, Barry's life imploded.

After the discovery that Dr. Wells, or rather Eobard Thawne, was the Reverse-Flash, events took on a life of their own. Everything fell apart at hyper speed. In the blink of an eye, all that Barry thought true was ripped away from him.

Each moment felt like someone else's life. It was like some twisted horror story that shouldn't make sense, but at the same time, all of the pieces fit together in a terribly perfect and devastating way. Having to let his mother go again was probably the single hardest thing Barry had ever had to do. He hadn't thought it could get any worse. Then Eddie killed himself.

It was a brave act. The act of a true hero. Eddie's sacrifice saved not only Barry but Iris and everyone else in the city. Logically, Eddie's death may have even saved the entire world, preventing Eobard Thawne from existing.

The paradox though created another singularity. What was meant to save them ended up almost also causing their undoing.

Barry had almost laughed at the familiarity of it all, as he watched the spinning vortex in the sky. It wasn't quite the same as the tornado he had stopped all those months ago, but still similar enough that he knew he had to try. Despite Professor Stein's protests that it couldn't be stopped, Barry had defeated the odds once again, running around the black hole in the opposite direction and effectively neutralizing it.

Afterward, all of the adrenaline that he had built up over the past few hours had faded within seconds. He operated on autopilot for the next week as the city dealt with the aftermath.

* * *

Aside from Eddie's glaring absence, things had gone back to relative normalcy after that. Dr. Stein and Ronnie had left for the time being. Joe and Iris had both returned to their respective jobs, grieving but coping all the same. Cisco and Caitlin had a tougher adjustment, going back to S.T.A.R. Labs and trying to figure out how the new Dr. Harrison Wells of a different world was now supposed to fit into theirs.

Barry hadn't quite managed to get back into his regular routine. In front of his friends he acted the part- a man upset with recent events and doing his best to push forward anyway. Inside though he was stagnant. A part of him still lingered back at the singularity; it probably always would.

While everyone else was more or less mere bystanders to the tragedy that occurred, affected but not really a key player, Barry had been at the center of it all. Although he recognized that it wasn't entirely his fault, he couldn't help but feel that he could have done something to prevent it. As a scientist it was his job to analyze the data. He should have seen Eobard Thawne for the masquerading evidence that he was. He should have done things differently to prevent the course of events from playing out the way he had. Eddie. His mother. The entire city. It all could have been prevented if he had just been better, smarter, faster.

For a while he was able to function like this, not all here, but enough so to keep up appearances. Then, finally, on a Friday of all days, Barry couldn't take it anymore. Wells' betrayal felt like a personal life to the gut. Each resulting death was firmly carved into his conscious.

It was all too easy to fall back into his former habit. He finished up his work for the week, headed home and just collapsed.

This time though, he didn't get up on Saturday morning and head over to S.T.A.R. Labs. He hadn't been there in months, not thinking he could take seeing the face of his mother's murderer, even though he knew in reality that it wasn't the same man. Caitlin and Cisco, while upset that he was no longer coming around, had been understanding and patient thinking that eventually he would go back.

When the days stretched into weeks stretched into months though, they stopped asking. Iris and Joe stopped pressing him, accepting his decision with all of the love and consideration that he had come to expect from his foster family.

So instead of getting up and heading to S.T.A.R. Labs, he remained in bed, not really asleep but not fully coherent either.

Iris was the first to check on him, Joe the second. By the end of the weekend though and with Barry still not out of bed yet, he knew they were no longer buying his attempts at passing it off as a virus infection. While they weren't certifiable geniuses, they also weren't stupid.

Barry couldn't find it in himself to care one way or the other, though. For the first time in months, he had allowed everything to catch up to him. Then, in the drowses of sleep he just let it all go. His mind was free of the burdens that had been clinging to him for a while now like a second skin. When peeled off he felt new and whole and completely himself. And what he really wanted to do was just rest. He didn't have another care in the world except for allowing his mind to go blank and dwell in the relative peacefulness of it all.

When a flustered redhead barged into his room late Sunday night, he didn't even have the energy or desire to comment. He just tucked further into his blankets and shifted his head on his pillow so he was facing the opposite direction.

Soon though, even in his daze, he couldn't ignore the loud rustle of plastic bags and muttered obscenities that were infrequently heard coming out of the young scientist's mouth. "Really Barry, this is ridiculous," he heard her grumble as there was the sound of paper tearing, and the smell of cinnamon filled the room.

A second later, a pair of icy fingers brushed against his neck and Barry hissed. "Don't be a baby," Caitlin chided, pushing at his shoulder so that he'd roll over. Then she got a good look at his face, pale and haggard, and almost dropped the bag of cinnamon rolls in her hand. "Oh my… Okay Barry, I'm going to help you sit up, alright?"

He felt a pair of small hands grasp under his arms and tug him upwards so that his back was resting against the wall. Sitting upright his head felt dizzy and the room began to spin. Before he could slink back down, Caitlin had shoved a straw into his mouth with the order "drink."

The smoothie was freezing and like a cold shower to his brain, but Barry sipped it obligingly. After what seemed like hours, he reached the bottom and realized that he did, in fact, feel slightly better. At least, the room had stopped spinning and his head only held a dull ache. His eyes still were having a hard time focusing on anything though, and he closed them briefly.

That was a serious mistake because instantly Caitlin yanked them open physically with her fingers, still somehow startlingly. "Don't you dare fall back asleep," she pleaded desperately, waiting until she was sure he would keep his eyes open before turning around and digging in more bags.

Finally coherent, Barry noticed for the first time that Caitlin was bundled up in a big puffy winter coat and still had on her snow boots. Barry muttered something about being inside that he instantly forgot as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

"Well, I'll take my coat off as soon as I'm sure you're not going to die." It was probably meant to sound snarky, but the crack in her voice at the end gave away Caitlin's true concern. Almost unconsciously, Barry reached out a hand to take Caitlin's hand and let her know he was going to be okay. In response, she handed over a breakfast burrito.

It took some time, and a lot more food than usual, but eventually Barry was feeling close to normal again. He had even changed into something resembling regular clothes, and was sitting on the bed laughing loudly with Caitlin over a story about something Cisco had done.

Just then there was a knock on the door and Iris peeked her head in. "I heard voices and just thought to check…" she started, then trailed off when she noticed Barry's changed state.

Barry shrugged his shoulders and gave his friend an apologetic smile. "I'm a lot better now. Sorry to worry you." Caitlin had told him how Iris had called the labs in a mild panic, and now that Barry was more conscious of his actions over the past few days, he felt incredibly guilty for giving Iris and Joe yet another reason for concern.

Still a little shocked, Iris just nodded. "Okay. Okay. Well, I'll just let you two catch up then."

After she left, the two sat in silence. With a groan, Barry banged the back of his head against the wall and closed his eyes. "I really am sorry for all this," he said softly, rubbing his hands on his forehead in frustration. When he opened his eyes again, he looked at Caitlin. "And I'm sorry for not coming by-"

At that, Caitlin cut him off with a firm shake of her head. "No, don't apologize for that. I completely understand. I know it will just take time for things to get better."

"I am better," he said. Caitlin raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "I am," Barry insisted. "Really. I just needed…" he tried to explain, motioning to his pillow with his hand, "… this. I just needed this. A reprieve." He grimaced knowing that his explanation wasn't making a whole lot of sense.

"A reprieve," Caitlin repeated slowly, trying to grasp his meaning. Then something flashed in her eyes. Comprehension. Of course, she would be the one to understand. Out of everyone else involved, she was the only one who had come even close to going through what he had. With what happened with Ronnie, and Dr. Wells, and her being there with Barry every step of the way, she truly did know what he was feeling. She had probably even worked through similar states of guilt just like he had, no doubt in a much healthier and less destructive manner.

Caitlin tilted her head to the side and gave Barry an appraising look. "You do seem different… better," she said eventually, and Barry could sense the relief in her statement. Then, with a push to his shoulder, she laughed, "Just don't ever do this to me again."

Despite the light manner in which she said it, Barry knew how serious she was. He could see a small glint in her eye, and a little quiver in her lip that confirmed how worried she had been, despite her normal exterior. He wasn't the only one good at putting on a front it seemed.

In a sudden rush of emotion, Barry shot forward and wrapped Caitlin in a hug. "I'll try to eat more food," he agreed with a small laugh.

Caitlin pulled him in tighter and asked in a soft voice, "Promise?" What she was asking of him went beyond proper nutrition though, and Barry knew it.

Still, he didn't hesitate before resting his chin on the top of her head and closing his eyes. "Promise."

* * *

 **This was not meant to get nearly as serious as it did. Really, it all started off because I wanted to read a fanfiction involving Barry's hyper-metabolism (both because I am intrigued by the concept, and also because I'm super jealous). Of course, I needed some plot in there too as I couldn't just have Barry gorging himself on food. Well, I mean, I could still do that, but I wanted for more this story.**

 **Also, I saw no reason not use this as an opportunity to pair Barry and Caitlin together. I love Iris and Ronnie, really I do, but just not with Barry and Caitlin, respectively. I'm not one of those people that want to see characters die just so a certain relationship can happen. I'm a patient person. Sort of. I think the chemistry is already there (something I just feel Barry and Iris lack. They're better as friends!). They just need a little push in the right direction.**

 **As with all of my stories, this is** un-beta'd **and only edited for the most basic of grammar. I am a grammar nazi and if I was to let myself fully edit all of my works, they would never see the light of day. This is my compromise.**

 **And since it's** un-beta'd **, there may be mistakes, both in writing and in content (canon-wise). Feel free to point them out to me, and I will edit as I see fit. In my mind, this is a story set vaguely between seasons 1 and 2, although I glossed over some of the details at the end of season 1 because I didn't want to get too technical and complicate what was not meant to be a complicated/canon-compliant story.**

 **Despite all of my disclaimers, I hope you enjoyed the story! Let me know what you think by favoriting, following and leaving lots and lots of feedback. I eat feedback like Barry eats food...**


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